When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
