I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
