He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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