dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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