bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
