Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In other news, I just burned my penis
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
