I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
