I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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