found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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