I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
