I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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