so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
