And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
