I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
