P.S. I can't hear my feet
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We just shotgunned beers for America
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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