Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
