So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
