HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
