She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
