just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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