ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
