I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
