We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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