Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
