they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
