i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
