When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
