OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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