lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
