don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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