not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
