my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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