I can tuck mytits in my pants
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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