I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize