Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
