oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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