dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How's work?
Spinning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
