Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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