I'm going to jail i love you
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
