Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
