Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
