I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
