so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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