How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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