so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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