Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
