we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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