You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
