Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
