Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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