I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
