You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
