why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
