Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
