chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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