He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
