i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
