Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we should paint friendship bongs
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
