you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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