I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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