dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
