Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
