people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We need to get me chipped asap
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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