I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
