I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
