Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
