Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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