I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
