I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
