just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
