areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
