Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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