Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
