New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
