how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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